R - ROI


When I started blogging, I visited a lot of other blogs to read their content. I followed the ones I liked and politely left the ones I did not. Some of them came back to my blog via my profile and followed it. Some of the new followers dropped in comments saying that they were a new follower hinting that I should follow them back. Some I did, because of the amazing content on their blog and the others I did not. The ones whom I did not follow, promptly came back to my blog and unfollowed. True story. Now, I hardly realize who followed or unfollowed, but back then when I had just 4 or 5 followers I could easily make out who came and left. That is when I realized that life somehow is based on the Return on Investment or the ROI concept. 

People left kind words as a comment hoping to get back something in return. People followed my blog wanting me to follow them back. Well, why should it work that way always. I, being the honest fool, always choose to leave honest comments and only follow blogs that I can connect with. But sadly, not everyone feels the same. One day a friend of mine told me that I looked very pretty. I smiled and thanked her. She kept looking at me like as if expecting a return receipt. I in turn, asked her how her husband was. She turned red, but had to answer my question. Well, if you do or say anything expecting something in return, then isn't it better to not say or do anything at all? If people seriously want words out of others' mouths to feel good or better about themselves, then I have a whole new word for them. Losers.


Expectations always ruin things. A blank slate is any day better than a half written one. With expectations come disappointments which leads to angst and frustration. Not a good thing at all.

 Some people do things, only to get something in return. The best proof being weddings. "Oh they gave us a gold chain, we should atleast give them a bangle. Else it will not look good." While the other is thinking, "We have given them a gold chain, they should give us atleast a earring set". Eventually both get disappointed. The same thing happens in many other situations too. Its really funny if you think about it. Once, someone left a comment of my Facebook post saying that it was well written. I got a notification of it on my phone. Two days later, when I logged into Facebook, the comment was gone. The person apparently got offended that I did not acknowledge his comment. Jesus Christ!

When I started writing, I would feel nice about new followers and comments because everyone wants their writing to be appreciated. But later on, writing became a way of life for me. I did not care much about comments and followers. Even today, the comments and followers remain the icing on the cake where as writing is a passion for me. Life is fairly simple. People complicate it with expectations, returns, profits, values etc. All these words make sense only in financial investments and not the day to day ones.


Investments need not be only about money. When I'm taking the effort to write something for you, I am investing a certain amount of my time for it. Without expecting anything in return. I am just leaving a thought of mine without any strings attached. I do not expect you to come back to my blog and comment or follow. I remember a recent blog I came across. The lady there visited and left a comment on my posts only when I did on her posts. If I miss to leave a comment on one of her posts, she will do the same. If I leave a comment, she will come back to do the same. Stupid juvenile crap. I stopped visiting her altogether, inspite of the fact that her writing is actually good. Her irrational behaviour kinda irked me.

Be good, if you have to get it in return you will. Else, let it be. Expectation ruins things, be realistic. And at last but not the least, stay true to yourself. Others are always secondary.

~ Soumya

37 comments:

  1. Life becomes much easier when we stop expecting. But it's not easy, is it? When I do something for someone and someone doesn't even acknowledge that, I do feel bad. Although later on I explain myself and feel absolutely ok. But the first thought is not always very pleasant. In the end it always comes down to how you condition yourself. I must say, you've done a good job with yourself :)

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    1. Believe me it took me a lot to make myself the way I am today. A lot of pain and heartbreak teaches you to stop expecting!

      Once you get there, life is pure bliss. It sure is hard, but not impossible. I am the living example of it.

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  2. I love reading your blog for three reasons -
    1. You are an awesome writer! With your 55 fiction or 5 sentenced stories or a poem or whatever you write it just comes out to be perfect! It appeals the senses and you feel like its happening right there in front of you.

    2. You write on Love <3... As a teenager I best relate to it and a good love story always elates me! Yours are simply romantic and easy to relate to. Especially those Honest Posts!

    3. I learn some thing or the other from all your posts. Be it a life lesson or a moral value or some thing that will improve my writing. Like this one!
    I tend to expect a lot from people who I care about and at times I do get disappointed! I really need to stop expecting!
    As far as the following thing on blog is concerned, thankfully I learned early that all this is really a shitty business deal kind of thing... I don't bother about it at all!

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    1. Thank you so much. This comment just made my day! :D

      I'm glad you learnt the hard lesson early in life.

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  3. I somehow thought this "follow me and ill follow you back" tendency was more common among fashion blogs.. you know with everyone being narcissists :P Maybe I was wrong. After a while all this stops to matter because what you are actually passionate about is the blogging part. Comments and followers are just a welcome bonus. I've stopped commenting on a lot of blogs I read regularly 'coz of lack of time. Still I try to keep in touch whenever I can. But a lot of them are the same case as you said- they comment only when I comment. And I'd rather they don't comment at all!

    A lady once left a comment saying I was being very rude by not following her back (on every social media platform there is!) and gave me two days ultimatum to be nice and follow back.. lol! I've met some brilliant characters through blogging! :D

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    1. Totally agree with you, rather not comment at all!

      That lady gave you an ultimatum? Wow, that's a first I have heard! :D

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  4. I too get some random people saying nice things about my blog, which I really appreciate but then they put this signature line at the end..'Hey let's follow each other.' Why? Is it a contract and we are supposed to fulfill our part of the contract? I tell you what.. they are a new version of will-you-frandship-me people on blogger.

    But once we understand that the world works on the principle 'you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.', things become a lot easier. I am so content with the little blogger family I've made for myself.. which involves people like you who are not ruled by this ROI phenomenon, which by the way is a very smart way to define it.
    xo

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    1. Isn't that so annoying after the end of a wonderful comment? I get tempted to delete those comments.

      I love the little family I have made myself here too. I'd rather stick on to two or three writers than expect a community!

      Lots of love.

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  5. You think even half of the people who comment under my blog mean what they comment? U think they read every word without skipping paragraphs? and here I am genuinely reading some posts. SOME MAGICALLY SHITTY. I know mine might be shitty too but I have some poeple who tell me that oon my face. That is all that matters. I am anonymous, I am not here to make friends, not here to find a man to fall in love with. I am here because I like to write. I don't plan on being a writer. I simply wanted a place to write my thoughts out. Once a week :)

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    1. Hahaha and that is exactly why I love you! Believe me, I read each and every word you write. You can write 200 pages and yet I'd read every word. If possible, twice! :)

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  6. I'm relatively new to blogging.say about six months tops. Before that I simply wrote for myself. When i say myself i mean no one at all knew i could write at all. I kept it all hidden away from all of my friends.Anyway I noticed this too in the blog comments patterns. Although I must admit I found some great blogs in this manner, there's so many young writers out there that are writing brilliant stuff, and then there's the not so readble ones too.
    Yes there have been awkward moments in my life with compliments too, I'm horrible at returning compliments, (unless I dont mean them) if one does on my face. One woman actually came up to me once and said you carry so much attitude around cuz I would usually just politely smile at her instead of returning the compliment. Anyway its just a kind of fact, there's gonna be all sorts of people right? Staying true to ourselves minus the expectations is the key indeed.

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    1. I agree. Some writers with less followers are brilliant and some not so readable ones have million followers, I don't understand it at times! I do not follow them because either ways I will just be one in the million and yet they seem to mind that! Strange!

      Oh ignore that lady. People exist to talk. About others. Let us get busy living our lives.

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  7. Agreed with every word Soumya. It is highly irritating, this I scratch your back, now you scratch mine mentality. Why can't people just be honest and upfront? I remember feeling irked at my own wedding, where after the rituals were over, people from my extended family, sat down to actually write down who gave what. It was documented in a notebook, which has been preserved since for handy reference. Jeez!

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    1. Haha same thing happened at my wedding too. The coveted list still exists :)

      Thanks for reading!

      Delete
  8. If one doesn't like the way the post is written or the subjects dealt with, one is free to stop visiting the blog whether the other blogger comments or not.Comments again need not always be in praise of writing.It can be on the subject discussed in the blog. Most bloggers write only to be read and would be happy if many read.This is quite natural.But to read or not is readers prerogative.But I have not failed to notice a touch of snobbery or condescending tone among a few in the comments I see in some blogs.

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    1. Exactly! It is an individual perspective. Some people do not get that.

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  9. Kudos !
    The first picture is just fab!
    And the description of every aspect is just perfect.. The words.. The context.. everything!
    Thanks for writing on this ! Happens with me too lot of times.. :P

    Cheers

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  10. Expectations often lead to malice and heartbreak, and relationships turn sour. The examples you gave above, of people complimenting you, expecting you to praise them in return, truly that's absurd. And it's better to stay away from such people. ROI looks best in commerce books and shouldn't be brought into real life.

    But then again, expectations do control our lives. We may have different kinds of expectations from people we love or admire. How can one control that?

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    1. When it comes to the one you love, expectations are inevitable. Yet, it still remains better not to have any! I have learnt that the hard way. I'm not preaching selflessness here, it is just that it is better to do things just because you want to do it. Not because you want to get something in return.

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  11. Yeah I know how it is like .Initially all bloggers need motivation, they need to be recognized. But later we all know which comments are genuine are which are not. How some readers persist, some stop reading altogether. It is best to ignore and move on. It is kind of easy to forget these people actually.

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    1. It gets very easy to ignore such people. They make it easy for us.

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  12. Yeah, I remember the initial days of blogging. I had so many expectations when I was so naive. I realized that I am not on the right path when I write for others instead of writing for self. Once this realization kicked in, everything was alright. I don't care about page views, comments and stats.

    And frankly, you are one of the people who taught me honesty is the best way to go when you write for yourself. Thanks for that! I find it easier to tell out my thoughts on your writing frankly because I know you will take it the right way. I don't have to think twice before I write out what I feel as a feedback to your post.

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    1. Eventually I guess, the realization kicks in for all.

      Thank you so much for all that you said. I always value the opinion of my readers!

      Delete
  13. The secret of happiness is no/low expectations. I feel our blog world is no different from the real world. Just as your friend expected you to compliment back, similarly bloggers expect you to follow back/comment etc etc. But it is up to you to opt for what suits your sensibilities. :)

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  14. what u say is so true..... its like we've all been down that dusty road !! that is so true in the real world too, and as u say, people give expecting something in return....be it gifts, or love, its always give and take.... there are so few who give just because they want to give and probably we all know who those people are in our lives!!

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    1. Oh we learn that with experience. And those are the only ones we need.

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  15. So true. I personally have had many experiences of doing so much for others and finally not even acknowledged. Thats when i decide that i should stop expecting.But thats the toughest job. I still continue to have my expectations on people and getting hurt. I am trying hard to enter the phase that u actually mentioned .. Stop expecting. Its my life and I am ruining it setting up expectations from people who hardly bother.

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    1. Its tough I agree. But it is much better to work on it than to get hurt again and again. Once you get the hang of it, you shall find peace.

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  16. I know exactly what you mean. But finding the balance between writing for yourself and keeping up with the Joneses' is a fine line that many of us struggle to find. And ultimately, its a scratch my back and I'll scratch yours scene here in the blogging world.

    But you know what? Both me and you have people who would still comment even if we ignore the rest of the blogging world for months on end. And we are lucky that way :)

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    1. I agree on that. We are more than lucky that way :)

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  17. I though I commented here, seems it got lost.
    I used to get smileys as comments... I mean what am I supposed to make out of a rolling eye smiley :P

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    1. Hahahaha! Maybe they want you to roll your eyes and get to their page :P

      Delete
  18. I knew you did not want a comment here necessarily but still.... :)

    You see, I have had this mutual commenting thing going too. The problem with that was that it soon degenerated in quite a few cases to having comments that showed that the post had not been read at all. A form of dishonesty that I find difficult to digest and the fact that I just cannot emulate it really cuts down on the blog reading that I can do. This is what makes me appreciate more and more the fact that people like you exist, who can read and comment without expecting returns :) I, unfortunately, am unable to do any more reading since I already have as many to read as my ageing eyes can take from among those who helped me in my initial days as a blogger.

    In another way, I feel that a reader who enjoyed a post but does not take the time out to comment IS also to blame for the state of affairs. Not everyone feels like you about being satisfied with the writing. People do love praise and, if they would get it from a genuine reader, there would be much less of this ROI behavior. It is the freeloading reader who contributes to the continuation of this system.

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    1. Such kind of dishonesty angers me too! The only people I regularly read are the ones who have stood by me from the start. And a handful new ones including you.

      Thanks for reading! And commenting! :)

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  19. Such a cool Post, Soumya :) Glad I got to read this. Dropping in from Suresh ji's Post!
    Even I'm on the verge of posting my views on Comments. Will mention your Post too!

    Agree with your views and the nice honest thoughts & sayings you have shared.
    1 point- About the Blogger you have mentioned, it may be that her life has made her busy! Normally people haven't time for themselves & their own Blogs. While their own Blogging suffers, they are no longer spending the same amount of time they were previously...
    Personally, my investment on Blogging - Votes & Comments has reduced as TIME is the factor.

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Care to leave a word or two? Thanks for dropping by :)